


Shiratorizawa's Ace

by rarepairenabler



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Asexual Character, Asexuality Spectrum, Demisexuality, Established Relationship, Fluff, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Sexual Identity, Sexuality Crisis, Trans Male Character, they're in their second year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-27 13:54:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8404195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rarepairenabler/pseuds/rarepairenabler
Summary: “Did you want me to bike over?”Goshiki can’t help but grin at the thought of Hinata biking over at this ungodly hour, scaling the side of Goshiki’s house and climbing through his window, as though Hinata’s the love interest in one of those cheesy American rom-coms. “No, it’s okay,” Goshiki answers, “It’s a school night and—” Hinata yawns. “And you’re tired,” he finishes.“It’d be worth it to see you,” Hinata argues, nose scrunching adorably.OR: Goshiki and Hinata make plans to spend the weekend together and Goshiki prematurely Panics





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first half of my piece that I wrote for the haikyuu ace/aro/trans haikyuu zine! as this half wasn't included in my submission, I'm posting it separately. the other half (which was my zine submission) will be up on Monday! I'd also like to thank Bendy and Betsy for editing this half (and Bendy, Becky and Jess for editing the second half)

Goshiki’s nearly finished changing out of his Shiratorizawa uniform and back into his regular clothes when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. He bites down on his lip, a smile already tugging at the corners when he sees who the text’s from.

[1/612]  
**[From Shouyou]:**  
looking forward to this weekend!!!! It’s gonna be gr8 :))

Warmth blooms across Goshiki’s cheeks as he eagerly types out his response.

 **[To Shouyou]:**  
Me too!!!!!!

He grins and clenches his phone to his chest. When Goshiki looks up from his phone again, he finds his other teammates watching him with mixed expressions of curiosity and amusement.

Shirabu frowns and asks, “Texting Karasuno’s shrimp again?”

“Yep!” Goshiki nods cheerfully. “My parents are going away for the weekend so Hinata’s gonna bike over to visit me. It’s gonna be like, a weekend-long sleepover!” He’s practically bouncing on the balls of his feet just thinking of the weekend they have planned out. No more rushed visits or late-night Skype calls – they’ll have the next two days to themselves.

Shirabu gives Goshiki a blank look, like he’d only asked to confirm his own suspicions, not to hear more about Goshiki’s love life. He looks even less pleased than he did the time he sat next to Goshiki on the bus ride home, and overheard their ten minute long exchange of “No, no, _you_ hang up! No, you!”

“Hinata, huh?” Their libero, Akakura, leans in and whispers conspiratorially, “Oh, maybe you could ask him what new tricks Karasuno has up their sleeve!”

Goshiki scowls. When they’d first started dating, he and Hinata vowed that volleyball wouldn’t come between them, and that they wouldn’t compromise their own teams by putting their relationship first. Goshiki’s seen the evidence of Hinata’s doubled efforts lately – late hours at the gym, scrapped knees, arms blotched in bruises, lips stretched in a proud grin, hair noticeably disheveled in the selfies he’s sent over the past few weeks. Despite his nagging curiosity, Goshiki’s known better than to press for details.

“Dude, c’mon. He’s not going to spy on his own boyfriend,” Sagae counters with a snort. “Besides, they’re probably going to be too busy doing _other stuff_.”

Akakura smirks as though he’s in on a secret. “Right! Wouldn’t want to spoil the mood.” He gives Goshiki a congratulatory pat on the shoulder. “You kids be safe, yeah?”

Goshiki blinks in confusion. They’re only a few months apart in age, and it’s not like Goshiki’s planning on hosting a party or anything.

“We’re just gonna be…watching movies?” he answers, his brow furrowing when waves of poorly-concealed snickers ripple through the Shiratorizawa change room.

“Sure, sure.” To Goshiki’s bafflement, Akakura winks. “Have fun watching ‘movies,’ then!”

 _What’s that supposed to mean? What else would we be doing?_ Goshiki wants to demand - but it’s exactly that moment when realization sets in.

Oh. Ohh. Ohhh.

Akakura meant—protection. As in condoms. As in for sex.

Goshiki wheezes.

He replays the conversation in his mind, his cheeks burning at the implication of Akakura’s words.

Would Hinata really be expecting…? They’ve been dating for almost a year now, Goshiki considers as he fidgets with the collar of his shirt. It would make _sense._ Yet—Goshiki anxiously chews on the inside of his cheek.

Does it make him a bad boyfriend if even the thought of sex has his stomach twisting in knots?

Goshiki’s still lost in his own panic-fueled thoughts when Shirabu makes a face and announces, “I really didn’t need that imagery, so thank you for that, Akakura.” He punctuates it by clicking his gym locker shut casting a dirty look at Akakura over his shoulder. “ _You’ll_ start next practice doing diving receives.”

Akakura squawks. “Eh? Why just me? That’s not fair!”

“And I’ll never get those past five minutes of my life back,” Shirabu counters drily. “ _Life’s_ unfair.”

Akakura concedes with a grumble and the conversation tapers off, Goshiki’s romantic endeavors long-forgotten by his fellow teammates. But Goshiki doesn’t know how _not_ to think about it. He was supposed to be looking forward to this weekend, not dreading it – he’s already circled the event at least four times on his calendar. 

Goshiki walks home in a trance, spends dinnertime picking and prodding at his food in disinterest and complains of a queasy stomach when his parents voice their concern.

He’s only halfway through the homework he’s been distractedly working through for the last few questions when his laptop chimes, altering him to the fact that Hinata’s started a Skype call with him. Goshiki shoots up in his chair and flings his pen across the room. He winces as the pen whizzes through the air, bounces off his mattress, and lands on his floor with a clack.

The laptop chimes again.

 _It’s just Hinata_ , Goshiki reminds himself, his ears still ringing, heart thudding against the cage of his ribs as he sits back down. As he pulls his laptop to himself slowly, light floods Goshiki’s small, dimly-lit bedroom.

He steels himself with a sharp breath and answers Hinata’s call.

Hinata’s face fills the screen.

“Eh, Tsutomu?” Hinata tilts his head to the side as he blinks at the screen sleepily. He’s dressed in a baggy, soft yellow t-shirt that drapes over his lean frame, and two tufts of his hair are sticking upright on top of his head, the small pigtails held together by sparkly pink hairclips.

Goshiki has to bite down on his lip to stop from laughing. He’s more than willing to bet the hairstyle’s Natsu’s doing.

“Hey, You there?”

“Yeah, m’here!” Goshiki waves. “Sorry I just…y’know, homework.”

Hinata groans in sympathy and launches into an account of his own school troubles – with all the late nights he’s been spending practicing, he’s spent twice as much time sleeping in class. He’d be failing English class if it weren’t for Yachi’s extra lessons.

“And Bakayama’s been his regular stubborn self,” Hinata huffs, a hint of fondness creeping into his tone. He scrunches his hair up between his fingers and lowers his voice in imitation, “Oi! Dumbass, stop receiving the ball with your face!”

Goshiki snorts.

Hinata blushes and hides his face in the crook of his arm. “Don’t laugh! It’s the ace’s job to stop the ball anyway they can!”

Goshiki knows better than to remind him that he hasn’t claimed the position just yet – Karasuno’s number five was named ace after their previous one graduated.

“So, what’s new with you?”

Goshiki reflects back on earlier that week. He passed a biology test, pet a cute dog on the way home, watched a movie about aliens, improved his straights during practice, had an awkward conversation with his teammates in the locker room. Goshiki tenses at the memory.

He turns his head to the side and mutters, “Nothing.”

“Eh? Nothing?” Hinata squints at him. “Are you sure? Cause you don’t seem as—” Hinata gestures excitedly, “Gwaaaaa!’ as usual.” His smile falters. “Is something up?”

If he were less of a coward, he’d spill out his worries to Hinata, but instead he shakes his head and tries pushing the negative thoughts from his mind. “M’fine.”

His lungs constrict in contradiction.

Hinata doesn’t look convinced. “Did you want me to bike over?”

Goshiki can’t help but grin at the thought of Hinata biking over at this ungodly hour, scaling the side of Goshiki’s house and climbing through his window, as though Hinata’s the love interest in one of those cheesy American rom-coms. “No, it’s okay,” Goshiki answers, “It’s a school night and—” Hinata yawns. “And you’re tired,” he finishes.

“It’d be worth it to see you,” Hinata argues, nose scrunching adorably.

Goshiki’s heart stutters in his chest. “We’ll, uh,” he flushes, “we’ll see each other over the weekend, though.”

“Yeah, that’s right, we will!” Hinata perks up again. His eyes go soft as he pillows his chin against his arms and smiles up at Goshiki. “M’kay, well, I gotta be up early tomorrow for practice - I just wanted to catch you before you went to bed. G’night, Tsutomu!” He blows Goshiki a kiss, and Goshiki makes an exaggerated dive to catch it.

“G’night!” Goshiki parrots as he combs his fingers through his bangs. “You have hair clips in your hair, by the way.”

Hinata stares in horror and lifts his hands to his hair, his face turning a vibrant shade of red as he tugs out one of the sparkly clips. “Oh god, those have been in there the _whole time_ , haven’t they?”

He takes Goshiki’s amused smile as confirmation and buries his face in his hands.

“They’re cute,” Goshiki tells him.

“ _You’re_ cute,” Hinata mumbles, voice muffled by his hands. “Okay, I’m going to bed for real this time. Forget you ever saw me like this! Good niiiiiiight!”

“Good night!”

As Hinata’s face disappears from his screen, Goshiki sighs and sits back in his chair. Talking to Hinata has lifted at least some of the weight from his chest.

He likes Hinata. Like, a _lot_. If Hinata wants them to be intimate, shouldn’t Goshiki want that for them too? Especially if it makes Hinata happy?

Goshiki frowns and flops down onto his bed. What he needs, he decides, is advice from his sagely senpais.

~*~

Goshiki is miraculously saved from having to ask either Shirabu or Kawanishi for advice when, later that week, their coach announces that he’s invited Shiratorizawa’s graduated upperclassmen for a practice match. The gym falls quiet as the team exchanges anxious glances.

“Is it true what they say about Semi’s vicious serves?” one of the kouhai whispers.

Shirabu’s jaw clenches.

There’s a long, tense beat of silence - and then Tendou Satori’s bursting through the gym doors with a cheerful greeting. Tendou’s eyes gleam, his arms spreading wide and his face splitting in a wild grin as he gives the new team an assessing once-over.

“Hey kiddos,” Tendou croons. He turns his attention to Shirabu, his grin broadening as he rests a hand on his hip and leers. “Shira- _boo_ , hope ya’ ready to have us veterans teach you youngsters what’s what!”

“Tch.” Semi scowls as the rest of the upperclassmen stride in after Tendou. “Don’t make us sound so old.”

The last to enter the gym is Ushijima.

“There they are,” the first year says under his breath, his face pale as he watches Ushijima. “Wakatoshi – _one of the top aces in Japan._ ”

Another first year nods. “Damn, they’re so cool.”

Tendou’s face lights up when his eyes land on Goshiki. He bounds across the gym to ruffle Goshiki’s hair. “Heya, Tsutomu!”

“Hello!” Tsutomu straightens up and salutes him. “Welcome back!”

Amusement dances in Tendou’s eyes. He crouches slightly and waggles his brows as he murmurs, “Now, you’re not lording your new position over your underclassmen, are ya?”

Goshiki shakes his head vigorously. “N-No! Of course not!”

He stiffens a little as Ushijima approaches.

“Tsutomu,” Ushijima greets.

Goshiki balls his hands into fists and announces, “Today’s going to be the day I prove to you that I’m worthy of leading this team as their ace! That I’m worthy of my title!”

Shirabu looks like he’s going to have an aneurism. Tendou’s face is red from restraining his laughter while the rest of Shiratorizawa stares over in confusion.

“Okay,” Ushijima answers seriously. “Do your best.”

Goshiki narrows his eyes. He opens his mouth to argue when Tendou interrupts him with a snicker. “I see you’re still as cool as ever, Tsutomu!” he says approvingly, his lips curling in a smirk as he winks. “Fraid’ that’s all the time we have for reintroductions, though.”

“Tendou’s right,” their couch says. “Everyone get into position on the court.”

Tendou dashes onto the court. “Okay, Semisemi! Hit us with one of your stellar service aces, would ya?”

“Tendou, I swear to _god_.”

Today does not, in fact, end up being the day Goshiki proves he’s worthy of being ace.

Right before the match he gets a text from Hinata, and he makes the mistake of reading it before heading out onto the court.

 **[From Shouyou]:**  
ughH I just can’t stay focused in class when I’m thinking about this weekend!

Underneath’s a picture of Hinata with his lips curled in an adorable pout.

 **[From Shouyou]:**  
It’s gonna be super awesome, though! The wait’s just killing me, y’know?

Goshiki’s whole face turns warm as he quickly texts back, “ _I miss you too,_ ” and then shoves his phone back in his gym bag before sprinted out onto the court.

To say he’s distracted would be like saying Shirabu’s bangs are just uneven.

Shiratorizawa’s current team takes the first set, but the upperclassmen leave them in the dust for the final two. It’s an embarrassing defeat, and Goshiki knows his weak receives and sloppy straights are partially to blame - but so are the indiscreet looks Shirabu cast in Semi’s direction for most of the game.

Half way through the third set, Semi’s off court, dousing himself with water when Shirabu swallows audibly and spikes the ball right at the back of Kawanishi’s head.

“Sweet, _sweet_ victory!” Tendou calls out, when they’ve finished the final match. “Miracle boy Wakatoshi comes through once more! Y’know, I’m thinking it’s only fair that the losers buy their generous, _handsome_ senpais dinner. What do ya say, Wakatoshi?”

Ushijima blinks at him in surprise. “I think that’s a good idea.”

“Then it’s settled!” he hollers.

“I’m not paying for shit,” Shirabu protests, but the third and second years end up treating their ex-teammates to ramen anyway.

~*~

“Did you want my seaweed?” Reon offers.

Ushijima nods. “And you can have my pork.” They lean over Tendou as Ushijima and Reon lift their chopsticks to each other’s lips.

“And _I’ll_ have the egg,” Tendou sings and ducks down between their crossed arms, swiftly scooping the fried egg from Ushijima’s bowl.

Shirabu grimaces. “You three are _gross._ ”

“Mmm?” Tendou tilts his head to the side and presses his cheek to Reon’s shoulder as he twines his fingers with Ushijima’s. He nudges his nose along the line of Reon’s jaw, a teasing smile curling his lips. “Hate to break it to ya, kid, but you’re just as obvious. Or are you and Semi _not_ playin’ footsie over there?”

Goshiki hides his smirk behind his hands when Shirabu and Semi both scoot back from the table, glaring at Tendou. Their faces are red as chili peppers as they glare at Tendou. 

“Thought so~” Tendou hums.

“Heya, Tsutomu,” Tendou says on the way home. The rest of the team’s parted ways, leaving Reon, Ushijima and Tendou to escort Goshiki back to his dorm. “Has something been eating at ya? You seemed a bit off your game today.”

“Your spikes could have been sharper,” Ushijima adds helpfully.

Reon’s brows furrow. “You’re not overworking yourself, are you?”

Goshiki flushes and shakes his head. “No, no it’s nothing like that! It’s not about volleyball.”

“Oh.” The tension eases from Reon’s shoulders as he smiles and lifts a hand to rub at the back of his own neck. “That’s good, then. What is it?”

“It’s—it’s stupid, honestly.” Goshiki gnaws on his own lower lip as he glances between his senpais. He’s never been any good at asking people for advice. His senpais look down at him, each of them staring expectantly. 

Goshiki huffs and relents. “It’s just that, well. Shouyou and I have been dating for a while, but…”

Tendou cocks his head to the side. “Oho? Trouble in paradise with Chibi-chan?”

“Let him speak,” Reon lightly chides.

“He’s coming over this weekend and I don’t know if he’ll have any…” Goshiki clears his throat. “Expectations.”

“ _Oh._ ” Now Reon’s blushing, too, and Goshiki’s already starting to regret everything that’s led him to this exact moment.

Maybe, if Goshiki concentrates hard enough, he can make himself dematerialize.

“Eh? _This_ is what’s been troubling you?” Tendou’s red eyes glitter in amusement.

God, this is so ridiculous.

Goshiki winces and stammers out, “It-it’s just a couple of my teammates were talking about - um - needing protection.”

“Ohhh? They shouldn’t have been running their mouths around their impressionable kouhai,” Tendou says as he scratches at his chin.

Reon shoots Tendou an unimpressed look. “Are you implying that _you’re_ a better influence?”

“And Tstutomu’s in his second year now,” Ushijima reminds him.

“Yeah, yeah,” Tendou waves them off and arches a brow as he returns his attention to Goshiki. “ _So_ , does our precious, innocent Tsutomu-kun need to have ‘the talk’?”

“Satori’s a more than adequate lover, I’m sure he could offer good insights on the matter,” Ushijima adds, not noticing the way Tendou’s lips twitch in a grin as he tries biting back a laugh.

“Oh my god.” Goshiki whines and rubs his hands down his face. “Nonono, that’s not it at all! I, um. I don’t…” he looks at them searchingly. “I don’t _want_ to do any of that stuff.”

“Ah! Well you’re still young. You don’t have to rush into these sorts of things,” Tendou reassures him but his words only worsen Goshiki’s nerves.

Goshiki makes a noise of frustration. “I don’t…think that’s it either. I don’t think I’ll ever…”

Whenever his classmates discuss sex in hushed, excited voices, the boys huddled together to drool over pin-up pictures of girls, Goshiki’s always felt left out, his stomach twisting at the realization that he’s _different._ It’s not just because he doesn’t like girls—he’s imagined boys in their places, pictured broad shoulders, strong jaws, chiseled abs.

It’s also that - those pictures don’t stir anything in him beyond admiration.

 _I’d like to look like that one day,_ Goshiki’s thought with a twinge of envy. _Maybe one day when I’m the ace!_

Goshiki meets Reon’s eyes and quietly says, “I think there’s something wrong with me.”

“Because…you don’t want to sleep with your boyfriend?” Reon asks. His expression looks pained.

Goshiki nods, tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes as he hugs his own chest.

“So dramatic, this one,” Tendou interjects, laughing as he ruffles Goshiki’s hair. “Kiddo, there’s plenty of people out there that don’t want to do the do. It’s a-okay to not like sex.”

“Eh?” Goshiki blinks in surprise and stops walking. “T-There’s other people? Like me?”

Tendou grins and jerks a finger in Ushijima’s direction. “Wakatoshi wasn’t comfortable with doing the nasty until half a year into our relationship, and Benkei here doesn’t like sex at all.”

“I really wish you would stop calling me that,” Reon mutters, rolling his eyes and leaning his cheek against Ushijima’s shoulder.

Ushijima leans back against him and murmurs, “I second that.”

“Ugh. Tsutomu-kun, do you _see_ the way my boyfriends always team up on me? It’s awful, really,” Tendou says, only half complaining as he grins and intertwines his fingers with Ushijima’s. “I’m constantly being out-voted.”

Ushijima smiles back and reaches for Reon’s hand.

“Hold on, so Reon and I are the same?” Goshiki interrupts, his eyes wide and bulging as he bounces on the tips of his toes.

“Oh jeez. Well maybe not the _exact_ same,” Reon answers, chuckling softly. “Asexuality – not experiencing that sort of attraction – it’s a spectrum. It’s different for each person.”

“Asexuality,” murmurs Goshiki, his lips stretching in a pleased smile as he repeats the word to himself over and over in his head until it starts feeling like it fits. 

_Maybe I’m not alone in this,_ he thinks.

“But, uh, if all three of you don’t, y’know, _together,_ ” Goshiki gestures awkwardly, “Then how do you make it work?”

Tendou, Ushijima and Reon exchange a fond look.

Reon replies, “Compromise.”

“Communication,” Ushijima answers.

“A lotta solo time. And _cuddles_!” Tendou pipes up. He lets go of Ushijima’s hand and reels his boyfriends in closer, wrapping his arms around both their shoulders as he nuzzles against both of them. “Also smooches! _So_ much smooching.” He plants a sloppy kiss to Reon’s cheek in demonstration.

Reon snorts and clamps his hand over Tendou’s mouth. “Uck, you’re a menace.”

“So you don’t think Shouyou’ll have problem with it, then?” Goshiki asks, voice hopeful. “With me being… ‘asexual’?”

It almost feels ridiculous now, that only days ago he’d found himself suffering through the experience of buying _condoms_ out of sheer panic.

Ushijima, Reon, and Tendou exchange a more serious look this time.

“I dunno, kiddo,” Tendou admits.

“Everyone has different needs,” Reon explains with a reassuring smile. “Like if one person said they didn’t want kids—that could be fine with their partner. Maybe their partner doesn’t want kids or was on the fence about it or would rather sacrifice that possibility than break up with their partner. For other people it could be a deal breaker. It’s not selfish to not want to have kids, but it’s important to make sure you and your partner want similar things or are able to compromise. Does that make sense?”

“I…yeah! That makes sense,” Goshiki agrees.

_But where does Hinata fall on that spectrum, then? Is it a make it or break it thing for him?_

Goshiki’s mouth dries. He twists the hem of his t-shirt between his fingers as he disappears into his own thoughts.

“Well, here we are!” Tendou announces when they get to the end of the street. He claps Goshiki on the shoulder. “It was good seein’ ya again! Don’t let some punks get in your head, got it?”

Goshiki smiles gratefully and salutes Tendou. “Y-Yessir!”

“Just talk to Shouyou,” Reon urges, his eyes soft and sympathetic.

Goshiki nods sharply. “I will.”

When Tendou and Reon start heading back, Ushijima lingers. His stare meets Goshiki’s.

“Keep working hard at your straights,” he advises. “You’ll get there.”

Goshiki’s hands clench into fists. “I’m _going_ to get better. I’m going to prove to you—to them—that I’m strong enough to lead this team as their ace.”

Ushijima’s lips quirk in the slightest of smiles. “I’m sure you will. Tsutomu - do your best.”

“I-I will! Thank you!” Goshiki yells back as he watches Ushijima retreat. He grins and lifts a hand to wipe away his tears. 

His heart’s alight with a new sense of determination - he resolves to tell Hinata the truth. He can only hope Hinata will be as accepting as his senpais are.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [there's now there's now art ](https://twitter.com/The___CC/status/792894701779111936) by the lovely, talented CC ^^

**[From Shouyou]:**  
just got out of class! i’ll be there before you know it!!!!

**[From Shouyou]:**  
gonna bike there as FAST as I can!!!!!!

Goshiki rereads the texts for the third time. 

It’s only been twenty minutes or so since Hinata sent them, but it feels like an eternity. Every few seconds, Goshiki’s eyes flick to the clock hanging over his desk, and goosebumps prickle across Goshiki’s skin as he tries to think of something besides Hinata. He shifts onto his back, then his side, his mattress creaking beneath him when he flops back onto his stomach.

Damn it.

_Stay cool, Tsutomu_ , Goshiki thinks, even as his stomach twists and churns like there’s someone squeezing their fist around his gut. _It’s gonna be fine._

They’ve been dating for almost a year now; he’s not going to screw things up over one long weekend.

Unless, of course, he does—

Another minute passes. Goshiki feels the weight of each moment bearing against him; each second punctuated by a sharp _tick…tick…tick._

He’s seriously considering reorganizing his sock drawer, yet again, when he suddenly hears the soft metallic click of Hinata’s bike chain from below his open window. Goshiki’s ears perk.

_He’s here._

Heart racing, Goshiki leaps from his bed, sprints through the hallway, dashes down the stairs and skids to a halt in front of the door just as the doorbell sounds. The air whooshes from Goshiki’s lungs as he yanks the door open and reveals Hinata standing on the other side with his hands tucked in his pockets and his lips upturned in a sunny smile - the kind that instantly warms Goshiki’s chest as he’s pulled in by Hinata’s radiance.

Hinata blinks in surprise when Goshiki greets him with a clumsy, exaggerated bow.

“C-come in!”

“Tsutomu—hey!” Hinata tilts his head to the side and follows Goshiki into the house. “Woah, did you get… _faster?_ ”

Goshiki coughs. He lifts his shoulders in what he hopes is a casual gesture, his cheeks still flushed from running as he waves off Hinata’s impressed stare. “Ah, y’know, I was just kind of” – he gestures vaguely – “standing nearby.”

Hinata hums in acknowledgement and toes off his sneakers.

“So, uh.” Goshiki clears his throat. “This is my place.”

“It’s nice!” Hinata says politely. His lips twitch in an amused smile at the way Goshiki fidgets and stares like Goshiki’s unsure what to do next. 

“Shouyou—”

“— _Tsutomu.”_

They both let out a nervous laugh.

“You’re really here, aren’t you?” Goshiki murmurs.

Hinata grins. “Yeah, yeah I am.” He sounds just as incredulous. 

For the first time in months, there’s nothing separating them – no laptop screen or volleyball net stands between them as Hinata launches forward and buries his face against Goshiki’s neck. “God, finally,” Hinata gasps out, a derisive snicker escaping him when Goshiki squeezes him back. _“Finally.”_

“Wait a sec.” Hinata pulls back slightly, his eyes meeting Goshiki’s. “Are you—did you _grow?_ ”

Goshiki smirks. “Maybe a little,” – 2 centimeters, to be exact.

“Not fair,” Hinata says, pouting a little as he shoves Goshiki playfully. “Tsukki’s practically the size of the Tokyo tower, and even Noya’s grown a centimeter or two!” The _‘when’s it gonna be my turn?’_ is implicit.

“I bet your jump’s gotten even higher, though,” Goshiki argues. 

Hinata’s grin makes a full return. “Hell _yeah_ it has!”

Hinata jumps like nothing Goshiki’s ever seen, even from his own impressive teammates.  
It’s mesmerizing, watching him lift off the court and then leap into the air, soaring higher and higher towards the net until he’s practically _flying_. Vaguely, Goshiki recalls that Tendou once teasingly suggested he check if Hinata’s hiding a set of wings under the 10 on his jersey.

It’s corny, maybe, but with the soft evening light streaming in through the window, casting a halo around Hinata’s disheveled hair, Goshiki can’t help but think Hinata _does_ look a bit angelic.

“Sooo.” Hinata presses his cheek to Goshiki’s shoulder, Goshiki’s face flushing as Hinata’s fingers interlace with his. He looks up at Goshiki through long lashes and asks, “What are we gonna do this weekend?”

_See, things **are** going to be fine,_ Goshiki thinks determinedly as the knots in his stomach uncoil under the warmth of Hinata’s smile. He exhales slowly and releases the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in.

Goshiki grins back and answers, “Anything we want.”

~*~

"Heh, whoops."

“You really suck at this game,” Goshiki says. His lips curve in a smirk when Hinata's cart accelerates straight into a wall.

“Hey, just you wait!” Hinata’s face contorts in concentration, his tongue peeking between his lips as he frantically jabs at the controller. “The race isn’t over just yet, bowl cut!”

Goshiki scoffs. He's got Hinata beat.

It's got to take a profound amount of self-assurance to be that confident when you're in last place during the final lap. Goshiki's completely unconcerned, that is, until a bullet suddenly shoots past half the racers and places Hinata in fourth.

Shit.

Hinata sticks his tongue out and crows, “Aha, told you!”

Goshiki narrows his eyes, keeps his focus on the screen. His turns are smooth and practiced. The finish line’s in clear view when out of the corner of his eye he sees a blue shell zipping along the path and headed straight for him like a missile locked on its target. Oh god.

“Nonononono,” Goshiki chants but it doesn’t matter – there’s no escape from the blue shell of doom. It hits him and Goshiki's cart spirals off the track in a thick cloud of black smoke while Hinata dances and cheers beside him.

"Ha, _eat dust_ , Princess Peach!"

“Oi, it’s not over yet,” Goshiki reminds him. Goshiki still has a slight lead over Hinata and the other racers who are steadily approaching from behind. Just keep it steady, Goshiki instructs himself. Just—

Hinata waves a hand in front of Goshiki’s eyes and his cart veers off the track and into a lake. The other racers zoom past while the words ‘8th place’ flash across Goshiki’s screen over and over.

"Tch." Goshiki grits his teeth.

Beside him, Hinata raises his controller in triumph and calls out, “I did! I did it! I actually won!”

“You didn’t win,” Goshiki accuses, voice indignant as he tackles Hinata against the carpet. “You cheated.”

Hinata lands with an 'oompf,' laughing breathlessly and clutching onto Goshiki's shirt. “Eh, did I?”

He cocks his head to the side, lips quirking in a mischievous smirk, and Goshiki's eyes instinctively flick down to Hinata's mouth.

"Sorry, I got carried away, y'know?" Hinata doesn't sound the least bit sorry, nor does he look it as he grins and arcs his thumb across the line of Goshiki's jaw. It's a nerve-wracking thing, having someone so close, close enough that they can probably hear the pound of Goshiki's pulse, but Goshiki trusts him.

"Tsutomu?" Hinata's voice comes out soft and wondering.

Goshiki makes a strangled noise of assent.

"Can I--" Hinata's bites his lip. "-can I kiss you?"

They've been dating for almost a year now but it still makes Goshiki's heart soar and his breath catch in his throat whenever Hinata asks. Goshiki nods eagerly and ducks down to press their lips together.

Hinata twines his fingers in Goshiki's short hair, and his other hand crooks in the collar of Goshiki's shirt when Goshiki's lips brush against his. They pull apart for a moment, both of them panting, and then dive in again. Hinata's hand settles lower on Goshiki's hip, the kiss turning biting, and suddenly it's too much, too fast and Goshiki's choking for air.

"Shouyou--Shouyou, wait." Goshiki hides his face in the crook of Hinata's neck. "Damn it. Can we, for now just...?"

Hinata cards his fingers through Goshiki's hair. "...Stop?" he suggests.

Goshiki swallows thickly and nods.

"Kay!" Hinata bops their noses together and pecks him on the cheek before wiggling out from beneath him. "Ugh, I think I'm getting major carpet burn. Are uh, are we okay?" His eyes cloud with concern.

Goshiki's lips slant in a frown. The last thing he wants is for Hinata to think he's upset with him. He brushes his thumb over Hinata's, and murmurs, "Yeah, we're okay." He bumps their shoulders together.

"Cool, good!" Hinata's shoulders loosen in relief as he clasps Goshiki's thumb between his own. He cocks his head to the side and gestures towards the Wii. "Hey, ya wanna go again?"

Goshiki smiles in challenge as he reaches for his controller. "Different game?"

“Nah, this one." Hinata’s eyes gleam. “I wanna beat you fair and square this time.”

~*~

“And you’re _sure_ it’s okay for me to stay over?” Hinata asks as he plops onto couch next to Goshiki.

Goshiki continues scrolling through the options on Netflix. “Uh huh! Positive! I mean it’s not like I’m throwing a party or anything – it’s just the two of us,” he reasons. After all, how much trouble could two teenagers get into on their own, really?

Hinata chimes in excitedly, “Ohhh, we _should_ throw a party! We could invite everyone from last year’s training camp!”

“And you can hand out drinks, for old time’s sake,” Goshiki quips. If he’s being honest, he doesn’t feel like sharing Hinata, not when this is one of the few nights they actually have to themselves.

“Rude.” Hinata snickers and presses his foot against Goshiki’s leg. “I’ll have you know I learned a lot from that camp! It’s because of what I learned through observation that I was able to…ohhh! How about Inception? Ennoshita says it’s got good scene—sin—cinnamontography.”

Goshiki blinks. “I don’t know what that is.”

“Yeah, me neither,” Hinata admits, deflating a little. “Hmm, okay, how about ‘The Big Lebowski?’ According to Facebook, it’s Seijou’s Makki and Matsun’s favorite movie. So maybe…?”

Goshiki obediently clicks on it. He frowns, his concern growing as his eyes scan over the description. It’s _definitely_ a stoner flick.

“You know what, uh, never mind!” Hinata squeaks. “Maybe we should watch…a horror film, instead?”

It’s good idea in theory, but Goshiki still has nightmares that time Tendou-senpai made all of Shiratorizawa watch _The Ring_ because he liked one of the actresses in it (even Tendou probably has nightmares from that movie). Though Goshiki likes the idea of the two of them holding each other, it’s not worth it if Goshiki’s going to spend the entire movie hiding his eyes behind his hands or cowering behind a cushion.

Goshiki scowls and shakes his head.

“ _High School Musical?_ ” Hinata suggests. When Goshiki arches a brow, Hinata just shrugs. “I like musicals! It’s fun dancing and singing along.” It’s really no surprise, considering the amount of times Hinata’s serenaded him over Skype with nonsensical songs about everything, like the color of Goshiki’s eyes or the key words for his exam that he’s been studied ad nauseam.

“We’re not watching a musical,” Goshiki decides, because there’s only so much cuteness he can handle. “S’there anything else?”

“Nope,” Hinata pops the ‘p’. He sighs in defeat and tugs the controller from Goshiki’s hands, setting it aside before sprawling out across Goshiki’s lap. “Fiiiine, no movie.” He smiles sleepily. “What do you want to do then?”

Less than a second later comes Goshiki’s immediate answer: “Volleyball”.

Hinata’s eyes go wide. Without hesitation, he springs from the couch, calls out “Race you outside!” and then bolts out the door. Goshiki would be following close behind if it weren’t for the fact at least _one_ of them has to fetch the volleyball, first.

“I’ll be right out! Don’t run too far! And hey, this doesn’t count as you ‘winning,’ by the way!”

~*~

The thing is - Goshiki _likes_ intimacy. He really does.

He likes it when Hinata drapes his weight against Goshiki’s back. He likes the feeling of Hinata’s hands in his hair, his lips peppering kisses against Goshiki’s collar, his leg hooked over Goshiki’s hip.

And Goshiki has no complaints now, either, as the two of them lay on the grass together, their knees stained, their shoulders and knees touching. Hinata’s tracing his fingers over the lines of Goshiki’s palms, down along the converging paths and then back up again as Goshiki’s hand twitches.

“Tickles.”

Hinata applies a little more pressure this time, his smile victorious when Goshiki squirms. He pouts when Goshiki snatches his hand back.

“Hey, Tsutomu, should we…” Hinata trails off. Up above, dark clouds are swirling, silver lightning streaking the night skies in warning of rain.

_We should head back in._

Goshiki slowly swallows the knot in his throat. There’s no easy way to admit that he’s been stalling – that for as long as possible, he’s been putting off the whole bed-sharing thing. The—the whole sex thing.

“Just—Give me a little longer.” Goshiki knows that if he were sincere about it, Hinata would stay up the whole night tossing the ball back and forth with him, a bright smile on his face as he demands, “Again!”

But as it is, Hinata looks concerned. “We almost broke a window five minutes ago.”

“But we _didn’t_ ,” Goshiki points out.

Hinata steeples his hands in prayer. “The volleyball gods have blessed us,” he says seriously. “I think it might have been a sign.”

Goshiki groans.

“Now c’mon, up and at ‘em!” Despite Goshiki’s protests, Hinata stands and tugs Goshiki onto his feet. “C’mon, I want to see what your room looks like!”

“You’ve seen my room.”

“In person, I mean,” Hinata counters as he laces their hands together and leads Goshiki back into the house and then up the stairs.

Goshiki’s throat is painfully dry, his heart racing when they finally reach his room. He watches, frozen in place, as Hinata’s looks across the room, eyes eagerly taking in the volleyball posters, the trophies – gold and silver – lining Goshiki’s shelves. The room’s spotless. Goshiki cleaned it _twice_ before Hinata arrived.

Hinata lets go of his hand. “Woah, you have a _lizard_?” he gasps.

“His name’s Tendou,” Goshiki says as Hinata dips his hand into the terrarium to stroke the lizard’s head.

Hinata’s brows shoot up into his hairline. “Tendou as in…”

“Tendou Satori,” Goshiki confirms, his cheeks reddening as Hinata snickers. “Semi suggested it as a joke and it just kinda— _it stuck._ ”

Hinata ducks down to press his face against the glass and muses, “Huh. It _does_ kinda look him, actually.” He taps his finger against the glass, his brown eyes bright with amusement when the lizard cocks its head to the side in answer.

“Tendou calls it his son.”

Hinata snorts.

“The uh, the bathroom’s down the hall, by the way,” Goshiki informs him. “If you wanna change into pajamas and brush your teeth.”

“Right, yeah! I’ll be right back.”

Hinata returns about 10 minutes later dressed in a long, baggy t-shirt and plaid boxers. He’s got his clothes from earlier tucked beneath his arm. “Do you have anywhere I could put these?” Hinata asks as he wriggles and contorts out of his sports bra with a grimace before adding it to the pile.

“I—yeah.” Goshiki nods and points to the bottom shelf of his dresser. “There should be space in there”

After all, he rarely puts anything in the drawer besides chewing gum, a couple of knick knacks and—

“Um, Tsutomu,” Hinata’s voice comes out strained. He’s got his back facing Goshiki as he holds a box in his hand.

Oh god. That’s right. A week ago, he’d bought a box of condoms out of panic and stashed them in that exact drawer.

Hinata turns around to face him. “What are these? I mean, I know what they are but…?”

Goshiki inhales sharply.

Oh no.

“I can explain!”

Hinata arches a brow as if to say, “Well, go on then.”

“I bought them a week ago,” he explains, a blush spreading from his ears to his chest as he desperately wishes some kind of hole would open in the floor and swallow him whole. Anything to escape this conversation. “Because I thought you might want to and because I didn’t know yet—”

“Knew what?” Hinata interrupts.

“That I’m ace.” Goshiki winces. It’s the first time he’s said it aloud and the word feels flimsy and strange, yet also _right_ as it settles on his tongue.

Hinata lets out an exasperated breath. “You’ve been Shiratorizawa’s ace for a year now. What does that have to do with _this?_ ” He shakes the condom box.

“No, ace as in…asexual.” At the confusion written across Hinata’s face, Goshiki clarifies, “Reon explained it as someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction.”

“Reon…Oh! Benkei?”

Goshiki feels himself smile a little at the comparison. He nods.

“So you don’t want to have sex then?” Hinata asks. He looks like he’s trying to parse out a particularly difficult math question.

Goshiki shakes his head.

“Not ever?”

“I…I don’t think so,” Goshiki admits. He watches Hinata, eyes searching for any sign of anger or disappointment. His shoulders sag in relief when he finds none.

“Hold on, this,” he gestures to the box as he sits down at the edge of the bed. “ _This_ is why you’ve been acting weird for the past few weeks?”

Goshiki bites his lip and nods again.

Hinata gives him a puzzled look. He’s probably wondering how he ended up with someone as frigid as Goshiki.

“Shouyou, _say something._ ”

“I…I’m happy for you! It’s great you have someone like Benkei to talk to about this stuff! When I was, y’know, transitioning, I had to figure a lot out on my own which sucked.” Hinata clears his throat. “But you being ashamed about it and …t-the condoms…I guess I don’t understand _why?_ ”

“I just thought—” Goshiki’s gaze lowers to the floor. “I didn’t want you to feel like you’re missing out on something because of me.”

Hinata grunts in frustration, his own eyes burning as he fists his hands in Goshiki’s collar and tugs Goshiki’s face to his, forcing the other to meet his gaze. “Oi! Don’t ever think—” He lets out a slow, shaky breath His eyes flutter open again. “Dummy, I have _you;_ it’s everyone else that’s missing out.”

“Are-Are you sure?” Goshiki asks, voice hoarse as he rubs his eyes.

“Positive!” Hinata sits back a little. “Honestly, I hadn’t thought about it until…” He looks at the offending box of condoms. “I’m not _against_ the idea. If you really wanted to, we could—”

“I don’t.”

Hinata smiles and puts the condom box back in its place.

“Then we won’t.” He says it as if it’s that easy, that simple. Maybe for him, it is. At Goshiki’s hesitance, Hinata adds, “Look, sex is never going to be as important as like, food or volleyball or you. If I had to choose, I’d choose you every time. It _is_ that simple.”

Goshiki can’t hold back his tears anymore. He lets out a choked noise and next thing he knows he’s full out sobbing, wet tracks spilling down his cheeks as he sniffs.

Hinata’s eyes widen in horror. “Oh. Oh god. I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He dabs at Goshiki’s wet face with his sleeve. “Are you okay? I honestly wasn’t trying to—”

“I’m not,” Goshiki sniffs, “I’m not crying because m’upset.” More tears fall as he laughs. “M’just _happy._ ” He clings onto Hinata’s shirt.

“Oh.” Hinata smiles in relief.

“S-Shouyou?”

“Mmm?”

“I like you. I like you a lot. M’glad you’re here.”

Hinata laughs and runs his fingers down Goshiki’s back. “Yeah, m’glad too. Did you want me to sleep on the extra futon tonight?”

Goshiki shakes his head.

“Kay, scoot over then.”

He makes room for Hinata on the bed next to him, his breath evening out as he feels Hinata curl up behind him. Hinata’s hands hover around his waist. “S’this okay?” Hinata asks.

“Uh huh.”

Hinata pulls him tight against his chest. “And this?” he asks, lips poised just above the knob of Goshiki’s spine.

Goshiki’s pulse jumps, but for an entirely different reason this time. “Hhah, yeah that’s…that’s good, too.” He can feel the curve of Hinata’s smile against his skin when Hinata ducks down to kiss him. His eyes flutter closed.

“I’m gonna miss this,” Hinata says, sighing softly into the crook of Goshiki’s neck.

Goshiki’s stomach flutters. “It’s not like we live that far apart,” he says, as if he hadn’t just been thinking the same thing. “It could be worse. I could live in _Canada_ or something.”

“Noooo.” Hinata burrows his face against Goshiki’s shoulder in protest. “Then I’d smuggle myself across the country to see you. I’ll hide in someone’s luggage,” Hinata reasons, and Goshiki _believes him._

_He’s small enough_ , Goshiki considers, _he’d probably even fit._

The thought’s oddly reassuring.

After a long stretch of silence, Hinata pokes him on the shoulder and whispers, “Pstt, Tsutomu. Hey. You awake?”

“Yes.”

“Oh. Okay.” And then a beat later: “I love you.”

Goshiki buries his flushing face against his pillow and murmurs back, “I love you, too.”

“Good.” Hinata presses a final kiss to the nape of Goshiki’s neck. Moments later, Goshiki hears the even sound of his breath, calm and lulling.

_He must have drifted off._

Goshiki decides to do the same. He closes his eyes, a soft smile playing on his lips as he falls asleep feeling safe and warm and loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much to everyone who cheered me on while I was writing this and who helped edit afterwards (especially thanks to nat, betsy, becky, bendy, maelle and megan ^^) also CC! for drawing incredibly art of this fic wOW 
> 
> for those of you who don't know, my second chapter was my submission to the [ haikyuu ace/aro/trans zine ](https://twitter.com/aanthzine/status/793120032729526277) so please check that out if you can!

**Author's Note:**

> In order to clarify - my headcanons are as such:  
> \- Goshiki is homoromantic/asexual  
> \- Hinata is biromantic/demisexual  
> \- Reon is biromantic/asexual  
> \- Ushijima is homoromantic/demisexual  
> \- Tendou is pan 
> 
> [Tumblr](http://tobioslilgiant.tumblr.com/) l [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ambyguity_)


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